Home Stretch

In less than a month I will no longer be a PCV. I don't know how I feel about this.

I do know, however, that the fact that it's nearly October and summer is still blazing away is some serious bullshit.

Profiles in Crazy

It was about this time last year that it dawned on me how many absurd characters roam the semi-paved pathways of the BZ. Not wanting to seem ludicrously inappropriate, I accompanied this realization with keeping my mouth shut about it...well, ok so not really. Anyway, a few months ago a local friend made a quip on the subject and then went on to espouse one of the community's many theories aimed at explaining the (much) higher than average rando-crazo (1) population density.

So, apparently, the stream at the local swimming hole was once believed to help cure all-out-head-craze disease (2) and so the town attracted odd travelers by the butt-load. When the maladies went uncured, everyone just kinda stayed put. I can't really decide where on the spectrum of crap to total and complete bullshit this particular piece of lore lies but needless to say, it's less than bulletproof. Regardless, the total lack of mental health facilities to take of these people in the region is a bit depressing. Lucky for them, Moroccan hospitality ensures they never go hungry.

Well, anyway, here is a short list of the heavy hitters currently wandering around town.

• Mr. Problem- This dude's eyes can scare children in a town where burying cats alive passes as a fun childhood outing. He is named such for his impeccable ability to find a problem with whatever you are doing and yell at you for it.
• Miguel- Perpetually drunk dude who was (allegedly) kicked out of Italy for general misconduct. More realistically he was just booted for lack of grafting. Also looks like a Mexican soap opera character and says "no parlo inglezi" to any foreign looking person.
• The mute- Kind of a nice guy actually.
• Berber coat guy- The only BZ male I have ever met who does not speak Arabic. Spews his unintelligible brand of crazy from under a coat he keeps over his head at all times while waving a small branch.
• The nuclear scientist- The next in a series of totally believable back stories, this dude used to be a highly respected nuclear scientist in Europe until he found out too much and had his brain wiped clean by the French government. These days, he spends his time picking up random objects and examining them closely.

(1) the proper scientific term

(2) again, nothing but medically sanctioned nomenclature

Bored and Sweaty

During my interview to join PC more than two years ago, the recruiter asked "What makes you bored" Then she asked "Do you get bored easily?" Minutes later she completed the hat trick by posing "How do you deal with boredom?" At the time I felt it was on odd point to belabor. I mean, how could my life-changing adventure possibly not be non-stop awesomeness?

Fast forward two years. It's the three weeks between Marche Maroc (a PC organized craft fair) and summer camp. I'm sitting in my underwear eating peanut butter out of the jar with a spoon while a fan blasts my face and I watch the 10th consecutive episode of X-Men the animated series. Boredom, surprising as it may seem to other PCVs, has largely spared me over the past two years, but summer is a time when ennui shows no mercy.

Summer days at home, when the youth center is closed, tend to be long, humid affairs when the temperature can top 115 without anyone making too much of a fuss about it. Add the fact that water and power go out on a daily basis and you've got the makings of a grade-A hellhole.

While this perfect storm of misery only happens a couple of times a year, it is important to always have a set of strategies on hand. With that, here is a list of tactics I've succumbed to in order deal with the desolation:

• stare at the wall
• finally kill colony of cockroaches in bathroom
• spill water on floor, watch it evaporate
• read five-year old copies of The Economist (watch out for this Obama character)
  
• creep on fb
• burn self with water fresh out of the tap
• solve crimes
• use the time productively to better myself as a human through study and personal reflection...just kidding
• sweat buckets
  
• write this piece of shit
  

How to Beat the Heat!

Die.

Silver Lining?

My sink leaked to the point where it flooded half of the house whilst I was occupied. Luckily, it's so infernally hot out that the whole place dried in an hour.

Rejected SPA Grant Proposals

So for those of you who don't know, SPA (or Small Projects Assistance) is one kind of grant that a PCV can apply for to get funds for various projects or whatnot. The following are the titles of some (fake) submissions that were promptly rejected.

Book-It!: A Bible Themed Reading Race

Bribing Your Way to the Middle: A career skills development workshop aimed at preparing youths for being cogs in the bureaucratic machine.

"Don't 'Bounjour' me you little asshole!" : A Youth Education Campaign

(Alternate title: "No I don't have a fucking stylo!")

U!S!A! All the Way!: An American Culture Seminar

(note: Attendants will dine enjoy a Southern style pig pickin' while listening to Satanic death metal and watching a presentation on how Twilight is, in fact, for girls)

"I give you special price!": A how-to workshop for improved tourist scamming techniques in Marrakesh.

Unleashing Your Inner Racist :A content-based seminar for PCVs stressing the importance of full integration

Marche Maroc Boumia: Bringing modern marketing techniques to the world's oldest profession.

Quick Thoughts

You know 'el Clasico' is a big deal when Al Jazeera channels 1-9 are all showing some angle of the same game. Either that or maybe nothing else is really going on in the Arab world. Oh, wait.

Inclined to take extra care of her foreign tenant, my landlady often feeds me cookies, tea, milk or leftover intestines whenever I go over to pay the rent. The most recent of such trips was made upon my return from Tetouan (really friggin far away) and so she felt that the usual bit of incessant instance on having more bread was not enough. As I was about to leave, she sprayed me a sold 10 times with her favorite, and most expensive cologne. Have an old lady make you smell like a French prostitute, check it off the bucket list.

Fake Yet Sadly True Headlines:

Local Children Throw Rocks, Ask for Money, Throw Rocks

Lazy PCVs Secretly Hope Kesh Bombings Prompt Evacuation

Barca Victory Facilitates the Development of Youths' Ability to Take Verbal Beatdowns