Wednesday, December 29, 2010

I Wrote This Over a Month Ago and Never Put It Up. My B.

Quick Points on L3id.


- You know it's going to be a pretty odd day when it begins with a live, national broadcast of the Head of State praying and then slitting a pair of sheep's throats at the mosque's entrance.

- Last year I watched the sheep get slaughtered and whatnot, but mos def missed the grossest moment of all. Once the intestines are removed from the body's cavity, they must obviously be cleaned prior to consumption. This involves the glorious process of slicing them open, and then manually removing the massive amounts of doo doo inside. Seriously though, there's a lot of shit in there. Since I feasted at the mudir's place this year, not five minutes after the sheep was cut open we were surrounded by the resident pack of feral cats . Weary of a beating from the resident terrible-two aged toddler, these feline intruders held their positions around the carcass without risking too much...until the poo was unleashed. Suddenly, these mofos could not be restrained and were ravaging our poor sheep's dump fetus. Just another reason why cats suck.



Cats: Nothin' but a bunch of poopmunchers.

Saturday, December 18, 2010

[Sigh]

The Atlas foothills are a world of cell phone powered Justin Bieber saturation. I don't really know who this little prick is but I hate his localized ubiquity in the region.

Friday, December 17, 2010

Logic

Earlier, while at the youth center watching a handful of Moroccan teens take part in what they surely thought was flirting, I was privy to a pretty interesting debate between the mudir and one of his good pals (let's call him homeboy) who lives nearby. The whole deal was pretty mundane until a amidst a thicket of travel minutiae arose one stellar little detail. Apparently, while in Rabat for a national exam, the mudir had ran into someone he knew and chanced upon an opportunity to, you know, totally bone her.

Once this was made public, homebro could not be appeased. How could he have possibly passed? The perceived lack of logic and balls that were required to pass on such a silver platter gimme was seriously and visibly affecting our boy homeslice. Forget the fact that the mudir has three kids, a wife and is so painfully awkward that he could never close anyway, the absence of bonosity that day was a crime to mankind. This, at least, was the position being virulently argued by homeskillet who began to look to me for support. I had become the judge for this most prestigious of cases.

Despite the display of finely crafted oratory debate skills from the opposition, I was siding with the mudir until homevideos made his final statement. Struck by satori, homeandgarden stood up triumphantly and dealt what he perceived would be the final blow. "Last month when you needed money to pay for the new fridge I lent it to you. So, you should have thought of me and done plowed* that girl since that is what I would have done."

Had the venue not shared a door with the mudir's house, (where his wife could doubtless hear us) I would have stood up and applauded such a courageous argument, punctuated by the aforementioned checkmate. The contest was over. Homeboy had won.






* there was no actual verb here, just the sound "tan-tan" accompanied by a move akin to what follows Benny the Jet stealing home.

Monday, December 13, 2010

List of Strikes Against Me, Moroccan Perspective

-Occasionally eats day old bread instead of being hungry
-Cites constant diarrhea as reason for not reveling in salted, sun-dried intestines crawling with bugs and missing chunks to various street cats
-Does not slaughter sheep once per annum
-Chooses to live in this town
-Probably laces his inferior "lipton" tea with booze
-Is weary of throwing trash in open pit in the middle of town
-Grows weird facial hair because he is "too lazy." This is not funny.
-Does not conform to dress code (either jelaba, super-tight zipper laden jeans, track suit or dress shirt and pants)
-Is undoubtedly a CIA/FBI agent who does spy shit for the Army on the side