Photo

So the other day I had to go get my picture taken so as to apply for my “Carte de Sejour” (Moroccan ID) which I must have to legally live here after three months. First off, living somewhere for three months without issue is a truly shocking experience for those of us that used to carry a Colombian passport. Such a document usually bore with it plenty of unnecessary hassle and customs harassment. But alas, no more, bitches.

Anyway, after managing to explain to the photo guy what precisely it was that I wanted (which confused me because I figured ID pictures would be a simple enough concept to explain. I guess he was bewildered as to what need white dude like myself would have for local identification) he led me through a previously hidden passageway into another room curiously larger than the elevator-sized shop in which we had been previously standing. What was produced from the ensuing photo shoot can only be described as the mug shot of a disheveled hipster terrorist who couldn’t be bothered to fix his glasses for a mere portrait. Needless to say, had my mom been present, a retake would have been promptly demanded. She wasn’t, however, and so my uncombed, unshaven visage with halfway tinted glasses was soon rendered into twenty (yes they need that many) tiny pictures.

Not satisfied with his work, the photo dude then went on to create a complimentary souvenir for me, so I could always remember the experience he said. He then proceeded to photoshop the same image (which displays my glasses and mustache angling in different directions) into a pair of backgrounds so brutal only an awkward mid-90s family portrait done at Sears would fit adequately. Nevertheless, I am now the owner of two miserable adjacent self-portraits, one with my gross rendition wreathed by a golden cord and then thrust in outer space, and the other surrounded by a bounty of brightly colored flowers to fully counter the artificially induced paleness my dear photo guy so generously bestowed upon me. Apparently I can always stand to be whiter.

I realize that the only thing this post says is "I got a picture taken, it came out oddly."